Fate

I've been doing a lot of deep thinking recently (Thanks, Wyatt) And that's a legit thank you, not a sarcastic one.

We were sitting at lunch a week or two ago and Wyatt started talking about how the experiences we have had define us, and how we would be different if each of those events weren't there or were slightly different.


Think about it for a minute.


What if you'd not had that childhood pet that you learned so many lessons from?

I know for me, that would truly change what I'm made of.  My family has always had horses, and I rode my first horse when I was just old enough to hold up my head.  I've learned many lessons from them as well.

When I was 6, we got a new horse.  His registered name was Doubled D Fayme.  He was 17.2 hands tall (which equates to just under 6 feet tall at the withers [which is basically the knob at the top of the horses back that is at the base of the neck and where the front two legs meet at the top {confusing, I know}]).  But anyway, he was gigantic, so we called him 'Tiny'.  I love the irony of it.  He was as gentle as you could ever imagine.  At least until you got between him and his food.  If you were the unlucky soul, he would push you out of the way (never in a mean way, though) and continue on his way.  When I was about 9, I managed to be that unlucky person.

We have 6 main pastures in our house.  The East pasture, the "arena", the West pasture, the north pasture, and the big pasture, and the woods.  Tiny had a disorder called HyPP (Hyperkalemic Periodic Paralysis.  If you want to know more, ask, I don't want to bore you here.).  It basically is a genetic disorder that messes up how he reacted to Potassium and Electrolytes, and was the reason he was so large.  It is on a recessive gene, and Tiny managed to get 2 of the recessive alleles, so he had the disorder pretty bad.  We had to keep him in the West Pasture because it was the only one that had no possibility of getting him sick; the others all had vegetation that he couldn't be around.  The only way in and out of that pasture at the time was through a gate only slightly wider than than one of the classroom doors here.

I went out to bring him in the barn one night, snapped a rope on his halter, and opened the gate.  Trent had just put Tiny's oats in his bucket and Tiny knew what that sound meant.  He pushed me aside, but with a little more force than I think he realized.  I was knocked to the ground, and fell underneath him.  He clipped my head with the front of one of his hind hooves on his way past me.  I was dazed, but took off after him to the barn, crying the entire way.

To me, this is one of those "What if" moments.  What if he had stepped on me? What if Trent hadn't put out Tiny's oats early?  What if I had rushed ahead of him to make sure I got out of the gate?


I recently received some bad news.  I have been working towards a goal of running for major state FFA office since I was a freshman.  I have done everything in my power to better myself in order to be selected to run.  I have practiced and presented countless speeches, served on various committees, and forced myself to become the person I wanted to be.  I participated in the nomination process, but was not selected to continue on to the next level.

Being told that hurt.  I keep having those "What If" moments about it.  What if I had done better on the nomination test?  What if I had presented a slightly different speech for one of the scenarios?  What if I'd been more outgoing or had more Ag Issues knowledge for my interview?

But what I've realized in the past day is, even though this dream I've had forever has ended, I'm okay.  I know that I have so much more ahead of me.  I'm not even 18 yet, and I have the world at my fingertips (Bahahaha, literally, cuz I'm on the internet. =D).  I have my corny sense of humor and the knowledge I've gained through this process to help me in college and in life.

Although one of my dreams will never come true, I've had many others that have.  And I think disappointment keeps people working towards bigger and better things.  I knew my FFA career would have to end at some point.  I'm sad that it has to be now, but I know that since this door closed, another door will open even if I have to make a hole in the wall to find it.

I fully believe in fate.  I believe that things happen for a reason and that, even though we may not know why right now, we will when the time is right.  When dreams end, that just means it's time to dream about something bigger and newer.  After something as big as this, I'm starting small.  My dream is to find a twin size Mossy Oak Camouflage bedspread for my dorm room.  I'm living with a bunch of engineering majors, so I plan to bring out the "Aggie" full force and show them a little Hick-ness.

After that, who knows?!  Life is unexpected.  We have to take the bad with the good, and have faith that everything will be fine, whether we truly believe it or not.  I honestly thing that this is the right thing for me right now.  I know it sounds crazy, but I'm okay with it.  I know that I'll know why eventually, and that things will be better than they were before this.